Monday, April 12, 2010

A 3 Step Recovery Program


Writers Anonymous: A 3 Step Program

[Step One: Resentment]
Hi, My name is Quentin.
I'm a write-a-holic.
I can't control it, can't curb
the urge to write.
I need help.
I want my life back.

[Step Two: Commitment]
I write poems on fast food napkins,
with toothpicks, using ketchup for ink.
I jot ideas for poems
on my arms and legs. When I run out of space,
I use my shoes.
I make motions
similar to Michael Jackson's moonwalk
when I need to erase.

I make up stories
while making love to my wife.
She left me. Who needs her?
She was suffocating my creativity.

I await submission replies
like an addict, hands trembling,
head shaking in disbelief.
Not another bout with rejection!
I'm manic depressive.
I'm happy to be here.
No I'm not.

I live for revision.
Instead of sex, I have poems.
I eat feedback.

[Step 3: Contentment]
As a recovering write-a-holic,
admitting my problem
has provided a much needed catharsis.
Joining this nurturing group has

(Excuse me,
but are you going to throw away that paper cup?
That's good paper!)

taught me to reconcile my past
and move forward.

~ Quentin Huff



Are you in denial?
Maybe we can help you find a support group near you
!

Happy Monday!




49 comments:

Valerie Geary said...

Bahahaha!! That was hilarious!! Loved it! I felt like that this weekend. Had to take a mental health day... so I planted a tree. :D

Aubrie said...

Boy, the part about awaiting submission replies like an addict....that sounds a little too familiar!

Patti said...

Very funny and yes I can relate to the submission, not so sure about the sex part.

Jody Hedlund said...

That's hilarious, Shannon!

Stephanie Thornton said...

Very funny! I've been scribbling a lot lately, especially in the middle of the night.

K. Harrington said...

LOL! Writing is an addiction.

Lisa K. said...

LOL. Thanks for the much-needed laugh this morning!

Mary Campbell said...

So funny - I definitely need a support group. Or a maid :)

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

ha ha ha I'm peeing my pants! Love this. When I thought of my blog name, I had a giggle that its abbrev., would be 'AA'. LOL - I thought the blog could be like AA meetings. hehehehe

Kayeleen Hamblin said...

LOL. That made my day! Thanks, Shannon!

Shelley Sly said...

What an entertaining read! Thanks for posting!

Lydia Kang said...

OMG, too funny. And perfect!

Tahereh said...

ahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

I LOVE YOUUUUU

Jen said...

Bahahaha Shannon this is hilarious!!! Perfect for a Monday!

Bish Denham said...

ROFL! That is just too funny!

Nisa said...

lol! Oh, now that made my Monday!!

Jessie Oliveros said...

I like it, but does ketchup really double as ink and how?

Tamika: said...

This cracked me up! Thanks for the Monday funnies!

Susan Quinn said...

Ha! Doubly funny because it's so true.

sarahjayne smythe said...

ROTFLMAO! That was perfect. :)

Robyn Campbell said...

Ahahahahaaha Thanks for making me laugh. All true. Uh, er, *blush* except for the end of step two. *grin*

I miss you so very much Shannon. I'll be back the 26th. Back and querying that day too.

*giant hugs* for my pal Shannon. I hope life is great for you.

Mary Aalgaard said...

I am in love with that poem. Thank you for the inspiration. Are we in the same support group?

Confession: I've done some writing in the white spaces of the church bulletin.

Jana Hutcheson said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the smile!

Charity Bradford said...

OMGosh! I was totally thinking that we needed some kind of writer's rehab program just the other day. I would not have written a post as great as this though. Loved it!

E. Elle said...

I loves it! Thanks!

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

Ha!!! Funny!!!

Kimberly Franklin said...

Thanks for this, Shannon! Happy monday!!

Cheree said...

LOL, very funny. Great post, thanks for sharing.

B. Miller said...

hahaha, nice! I loved this post! Thanks so much for sharing this laugh - I needed it today!

Tina Lynn said...

Change wife to husband and that's totally me...*blushes*

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Lol. Made me laugh. Happy Monday to you too:)

Jessica Nelson said...

Too cute!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

This is so me. Well almost me. I don't have poems. And my husband's not going anywhere. :D

Roxane B. Salonen said...

Shannon, oh dear. Guess this is overdue. Here goes: "Hi, my name is Roxane, and I'm a writaholic." There. I've said it. That's the first step, write? I mean, er, right? :)

Susan Fields said...

My husband better not read this post or he'll be looking for a support group for me immediately!

Karen Lange said...

Oh my...Thanks for posting this:)

Theresa Milstein said...

This is hysterical! I'm not that far gone... yet.

Janna Qualman said...

ROFL! That.is.awesome.

Jonathon Arntson said...

Wow, you are the best, S!

L.T. Elliot said...

The moonwalk part was hilarious!

Portia said...

Ha! Thanks for the smile. I won't tell you how many receipts I've saved to write on ...

Gail said...

Absolutely loved the poem!!!!

Kasie West said...

LOL Knowing I'm not the only one actually makes my problem worse. It makes me think I'm justified. :) Love it.

Jennie Englund said...

Do you find these wonderful, inspirational, funny things?

Or do they have a way of finding YOU???

Christina Lee said...

TOOOOOOOOOO Funny! Thanks for the laugh!

Mary_not_Martha said...

Okay, that was HILARIOUS! I'd like to join his group...can I bring all my pocket notepads? Maybe I better wear something with extra pockets, like a flyfishing vest.....

Kelly said...

I think we all have a little Quentin in all of us!

Watery Tart said...

Oh, this was BRILLIANT! Now that he's single, maybe he should call me.

Mary McDonald said...

Oh wow! I love that!

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