"Break up the larger story into its components, make sure you understand the exact function of each component (a story is like a machine with numerous gears: it should contain no gear that doesn't turn something), and after each component has been carefully set in place, step back and have a look at the whole. Then rewrite until the story flows as naturally as a river, each element so blending with the rest that no one, not even yourself two years from now, can locate the separate parts."
~John Gardner
We're supposed to keep our entries posted for a few days, especially with the number of participants. So, for its encore performance, I present . . .
My first line:
I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, fourth branch up from the ground and only one branch over from my sister’s piñata.
First Parargraph:
Pink pony piñata . . . check.
Invisibility . . . check.
Cup of worms . . . check.
I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, fourth branch up from the ground and only one branch over from my sister’s piñata. The perfect place for a ninja ambush. I just needed those girly girls to come a little bit closer.
I want to see what happens to all those girly girls! Great job.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE that quote!
ReplyDeleteI needed that quote this morning, Shannon, thanks!!
ReplyDeleteCup of worms, lol!
Great one and super fun! I probably would have wished that was me up in the tree with my invisibility! :O)
ReplyDeleteGreat first line!!
ReplyDeleteLoved the last line - needed those girly girls to come a little bit closer.
ReplyDeleteLove the quote! So true.
ReplyDeleteI'm confused. In the one you sent me the first line is; Pink pony piñata . . . check. I like that way better too. It shows where Scott's head is. ;)
ReplyDeleteNo matter. Your book is SOOOOOOO good. Love you, you cool amigo, you. Hey. Karen and I have cool shades. Do you? ;) If not, you'd better run down to the dollar general after work. :)
Great quote!!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Naughty, naughty... :)
ReplyDeleteThis certainly sets the tone for a mischievous boy. Sounds like a fun read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, those worms are going to be good.
ReplyDeleteLoved it! Those 'girly girls' better tread lightly:)
ReplyDeleteI love this! and want to read the story. Nice work!
ReplyDelete~Carla
PS. The repetition is great--somehow I've missed the other posts and am thrilled I got to read this one!
Yay! I want more!
ReplyDeleteLove your John Gardner quote!
ReplyDeleteI just noticed you live in Montana. I went to Billings a couple of weeks ago. Pretty cold there! Stay warm. :)
Ohhhh, Shannon, what you've written sizzles! The 'girly girls' is awesome! I wanna know more.
ReplyDeleteGreat quote! I like looking at it that way. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat! Looking forward to Crusading with you.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's such fun reading it again cos it's a brilliant paragraph!! Well done you!! Take care
ReplyDeletex
Awesome quote! Love it :) Now I gotta go do it!
ReplyDeleteCup of worms! Something fun is going to happen next!
ReplyDeleteHey Shannon, love your first paragraph!
ReplyDeleteWelcome on board the Crusade, it's fantastic you're joining us :)
Hugs,
Rach