Friday, April 2, 2010

Begnnings Blogfest

Kelly Lyman is hosting the Beginnings Blogfest today. This is my first ever blogfest entry (other than Shannon M's poetry extravaganza) and I am super excited. This is the first page-ish of my chapter book WIP, which is quickly hitting MG length, so we'll see where it ends up. I'd love any feedback you care to offer. Enjoy!


SCOTT AND THE NAUGHTY BOY FACTORY




1 – A Mad Dad


It had taken two days of digging, but Scott finally had a small cup full of worms. He only kept the best ones - long and fat and slimy. This cup of worms was his best yet. He was sure that if worm collecting was an Olympic sport, this cup would be a gold medal winner.

Today was his sister’s birthday. He hated princess parties. Molly had spent all morning picking out the perfect party dress. Then she made Mom do her hair in three different ponytails before deciding it looked “right”. Whatever. Hair is hair. But the worst part came when the other girls showed up. Ugh! Could a party be more boring?

He was determined to liven things up. What they needed was a little more action. That’s why he was sitting on his favorite branch of his favorite tree, carefully holding his gold medal cup of worms. All he needed was for some of those girly girls to come a little bit closer. He knew they would eventually, because Molly’s tire swing hung just a few branches over.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long before Molly and a couple of her friends headed his way. “This is going to be too cool.” he whispered to himself. “I’m sneaky like a ninja. And nobody can see a ninja when he doesn’t want to be seen.”

He waited, rolling the cup between his palms to loosen the dirt. His tongue flicked in and while he concentrated. When the girls reached the swing, he chose his target, took careful aim, and dumped. He smiled as he watched it fall. This was gonna be good.

The cup hit its target perfectly.

Molly screamed and started jumping around. She must really like my worms, he thought. He hurried down from the tree so she could thank him.

Molly’s hair and the shoulders of her pink dress were piled with dirt and dotted with worms. She hopped about, shaking her brown ponytail like it was on fire or something. Dirt and worms flew everywhere, hitting the girls who had scattered. Before he knew it, they were screaming too. Was it possible the girls might not be as happy about the worms as he thought?

“Molly, what’re you freaking out about? They’re just worms. If we hurry, we can pick them up again and have a worm fight.” Molly burst into tears and her friends screamed even louder.

He turned and saw his dad marching their way. Mom wasn’t far behind him, hurrying across the grass. She had that panicked look on her face; the one she always has when somebody gets hurt.

“Geez. It’s only a few worms.” he mumbled.

57 comments:

sarahjayne smythe said...

Hee! Poor kids. Molly and Scott. He is in so much trouble. :)

I have to admit that your dsecription of the worms made me stop drinking my coffee to go 'ewwww'. It's a perfect description. :)

Christina Lee said...

FANTASTIC job!! I could picture it pefectly in my mind!! My son is a huge worm digger/lover and I think you described it perfectly--he DOES always keep the fat ones--LOL!
Yeah, another boy book (I'm a little partial)!!!!! I'm participating too. Have a great weekend!

Falen said...

oooh i was really hooked with this! I was a teensy bit confused about whether Scott truthfully thought Molly liked worm or not, but besides that i could not stop reading htis. Great great job!

Portia said...

Good stuff! I love that Scott doesn't get why Molly's upset :-) He's such a little boy!

laurel said...

I like the ambiguity in Scott's expectations--I get the sense he and his sister usually have grubby fights, but she's changing into this girly creature he doesn't understand any more. What a great premise!

Nisa said...

Oh my boys would get a kick out of that. And I love your characters! What a great first page!

Guinevere said...

This chapter made me smile! I second Falen on being a little confused if Scott was entirely innocent and trying to liven up the party for Molly because she'd like it, or if he really was being a bit naughty. By the end I was sure, though, that he didn't mean to ruin Molly's boring princess party. LOVE the writing here (so funny), and Scott and Molly really come to life right away!

TerryLynnJohnson said...

Yup, loved the description of the worms. And the set up for the big dumping. like his inner dialogue how he's going to liven the party up.

DL Hammons said...

Heh heh heh.

I can SOOOOO relate to this. Great job Shannon!! I don't see why you were so nervous.

Helen Ginger said...

He's about to be in big time trouble - for a present he worked long and hard to come up with. I, too, thought he was doing it to spoil her party, so it was a nice twist to see it from his point of view.

Helen
Straight From Hel

Christine Danek said...

This is great. It made me think of my kids. Great job Shannon! Love it!

storyqueen said...

A worm fight!! Too funny!

Well done.

Shelley

Crystal Cook said...

This is fantastic!! As a mom who looks for lots of chapter books I would for sure get this for my son, he would love it!

K. Harrington said...

Woo! Good job. You made me laugh. :)

PJ Hoover said...

What fun! anything that starts with worms is bound to be fun! Or creepy.

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it - so true! Love Scott and can't imagine what other trouble he's going to cause :)

Julie Dao said...

Haha I loved this, Shannon! Poor innocent Scott, he really thought he was doing those girls a favor!

beth said...

LOL--this reminds me of my high school students!

Stephanie Thornton said...

Man, this is great! The first paragraph is totally awesome- Olympic worming is totally hilarious!

Simon C. Larter said...

Ha! Just for the record, I never, ever threw worms at my sister. Nope. Just sayin'.

Nicely done, good lady.

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Scott is such a boy! For sure, a cupful of worms will liven things up. Good voice and movement.

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

LOVE IT!!!

So glad to see you in this!!

favorite line:

“I’m sneaky like a ninja. And nobody can see a ninja when he doesn’t want to be seen.”

Valerie Geary said...

I like this beginning much better than the other one I read!! It's a lot more fun and way to step up the tension!! If/When you send it to me (=D) there's a few minor details I'd suggest you tweak to tighten the prose, but I like where your headed with the story!!!!! Can't wait to see more!

Carolyn V. said...

LOL, "I'm sneaky like a ninja!" I love that line Shannon! What a great character, I love it! I'm so glad you shared with us! =)

elizabeth mueller said...

LOL! Shannon--this story is stunning. I love your lively pacing and characters! Well done! :D

Bane of Anubis said...

Makes me recall 'How to Eat Fried Worms' -- boys'll love this.

Jennie Englund said...

It has all the elements: slime, worms, screams, boy vs. girl.

I see this as middle grade.

So glad to see something that appeals to young men.

Heather said...

I love this! It's like you channeled the little boy!

Natalie Murphy said...

Hahaha I loved it! You got the boy attitude down perfect! Good job darling =)

Kayeleen said...

This reminded me of my little brother. He's the boyest boy I know. I loved your story. It's right on.

Mary Campbell said...

Oh poor kid - I can just picture his disappointed face when the girls didn't like his worms. Great job Shannon - very vivid and fun.

Tere Kirkland said...

LOL, it's only a few worms!

Loved this.

Southpaw said...

Brothers! I got confused about whether he wanted to liven thing up for his amusement or if he really though his sister would enjoy this. I am curious, however, to find out what is going to happen next.

Southpaw said...

Brothers! I was a little confused about whether he wanted to liven things up for his amusement or if he really thought his sister would enjoy this. I am curious, however, to find out what is going to happen next.

Jen said...

I loved this!!! Worms and boys you've got yourself one heck of a story!!! It was so cute!

Elana Johnson said...

Shannon, this is fabu!! Thanks for sharing. I don't get why they're all getting so worked up over worms. I mean, seriously. It's not like they can bite or anything. ;-)

Dawn Embers said...

Very amusing. I like seeing this from the boy's perspective as I remember feeling that way "minus the worms" since my sister was girly girl and I wasn't. I had a tractor bike if that indicates anything, lol.

Good first page.

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

how cute! what a fun read for younger kids. I too was a bit confused that he really thought the girls would like the worms. I thought he was trying to cause trouble. Good job describing little miss priss.

Shelley Sly said...

This is fantastic! Perfect read for kids, especially boys. I think you captured Scott very realistically. :)

Tahereh said...

WOW.

so not only are you absolutely adorable, you're also INCREDIBLY TALENTED. i loved this.

so so so cute, and i totally laughed at the end!!

best of luck with everything shannon, you're going all the way to the top ;D

Julie said...

This is sooo cute! I just loved it. The worms, the princess party, all of it.

Velvet Over Steel said...

Great job! Cute story & looking forward to reading more! Hope you have a Very Happy Easter!
Hugs,
Coreen

VR Barkowski said...

This is so fun, Shannon! An outstanding beginning and the voice is terrific. Hook? I already love Scott (although I'm glad he's not my little brother), so of course I want to know what happens.

Christi Goddard said...

lol. This totally reminded me of when I was in elementary school. I was a total tomboy and my older sister was an uptight priss. I used to toss lizards down her shirt or throw cups of tadpoles at her.

Ah, those were the days.

KM said...

Aww this is super cute! I love it! :)

Mary_not_Martha said...

Boy, makes me wonder what my son really does at recess...........

Jessica Nelson said...

Awwww, cute! The pov of the boy is really good. ;-)

Alexia561 said...

Poor Molly! And Scott is going to be in sooooo much trouble!

Great job!

Susan Fields said...

Great beginning. I have two daughers and a son, so I can totally relate! I took my 12-year-old son and his friend, plus my 13-year-old daughter and her friend to a craft store to shop for project supplies, and the boys and girls were like different species. The girls walked quietly beside me and helped me find stuff while the boys fought each other with foam swords. Okay, slightly off topic, but that's what this made me think of. Great job!

Charmaine Clancy said...

What kid wouldn't want to read about worms? I love it!!!!

AchingHope said...

Whatever. Hair is hair. I love this line.

Very, very cute.

Lisa and Laura said...

So, so cute. I love that it's told from the brother's perspective. Kids will love this!

BTW, how are you liking BEFORE I FALL? I'm officially obsessed. Best book I've ever read!

Lilah Pierce said...

Great description! I would definitely keep reading. You've got a great gift!

Hosting Last Line Blogfest, details on my site.

Lola Sharp said...

I'm new here, so first, hello and CONGRATS on your newly hit milestone of 300+ followers! Woot!

Now onto the writing...Olympic worming! Sneaky like a ninja!
Well done.

Thanks for being brave and sharing.

~Lola

Kelly Lyman said...

Loved it! This so reminds me of my older brother and the things he used to do to me!! This kids is so getting in trouble for this! I love the line: "It's only a few worms." Ha!
Thanks for participating!

Abby Annis said...

Very cute! Loved this! Great job!! :)

rachelbateman said...

I love this. LOVE. Seriously, I am trying to find a bit of advice to put in each of my first page comments, but with this all I have to say is:

Can we have more, please?!! I want to read this so bad!

Great voice. Just great.

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