Saturday, June 25, 2011

Another Shelley Watters Contest!

Shelley Watters
Birthday Blowout First Page Contest!

Shelley is sponsoring ANOTHER agent-judged contest of the first 250 words of our complete MS
If your MS is finished, whip up a quick post and join the fun! This time the agent judge is Victoria Marini of Gelfman Schneider Literary Agency, who is currently building her client list. Yay!

For those who may be interested in joining in today, here are Shelley's rules:
  1. Sign up on the link below. (at Shelley's blog)
  2. On June 25th, post your title, genre, word count and the first 250 words on your blog for critique.
  3. From June 25th through June 26th, hop around to the other contestant's blogs and critique their first 250 words.
  4. On June 27th, come back to my blog and post your final entry on my dedicated contest entry blog post. 
* Many of you have seen snippets of my excerpt before, but thanks to excellent feedback, the MS is vastly improved. So here is the latest, greatest version.  :-)

Title: Scott and the Naughty Boy Factory
Genre: Young MG
Word Count: 19,700

Pink pony piñata . . . check.
Invisibility . . . check.
Cup of worms . . . check.
I crouched in my favorite tree, fourth branch up from the ground and only one branch over from my sister’s piñata. The perfect place for a ninja ambush. I just needed those girly girls to come a little bit closer.
My little sister, Victoria, spent all morning picking out her perfect party dress, pink and lacy, with a bow in the back. She and her frilly friends had a fashion show with fake jewelry and feather boas, played “Pin the Crown on the Princess,” and paraded around Fancy Nancy style through the back yard.
 Boor-ing. Time to show Victoria how fun is done.
I waited above her piñata, holding an old soda cup filled with worms. Only the best ones, though: long and fat and slimy. If worm-collecting was an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medal winner for sure.
Oh, yeah. This was gonna be good.
When the girls finally got close enough, I took careful aim and dumped. The worms and dirt tumbled out of my cup and then—splat!—Victoria screamed and started hopping up and down. I raced down the tree for a better look.
Victoria’s hair and the shoulders of her pink, frilly dress were covered in dirt and wriggly worms. Excellent! She shook her head and flipped her blond ponytail like it was on fire. Dirt and worms were everywhere, even on some of her friends—and they were screaming too.
It may have been the greatest moment of my life.


Be sure to stop by Shelley's blog HERE to visit other participants.

Thank you, Victoria Marini of


Kristi said...

this was cute, but I wanted to know what the story was about and I couldn't tell from the first 250 words. Also I wondered about the word count, but then again I'm not as familiar with that genre.good luck.

Tanya Reimer said...

This had me smiling from line one. My son would be a big fan. Well done.

E. Arroyo said...

LOL. I almost wanted him to say "short life" towards the end of the snippet. Good job!

Valerie Geary said...

No matter how many times I read this, I always end up laughing! This is one of my favorite parts of NBF. Good luck, chickee!

Heather said...

I love this! It just keeps getting better and better! Have you tried submitting to the Andrea Brown Literary Agency yet? It seems like something they would snatch right up! Best of luck in the contest. My fingers are crossed for you!

Diane said...

Awesome! I can't wait to read when YOU get "the call." It's coming soon, I can feel it in my old tired bones!!! :O)

Christine Murray said...

I loved this! The only one, tiny thing I saw was that maybe it should be: My sister Victoria HAD spent? Like I say, tiny point. Great beginning.

Kelly said...

I love the concept of this story, Shannon. The mischief makes the reader grin!!
I love it! If I had to critique something, I may have you describe Victoria's reaction a little more than hop up and down and screamed.
Good luck!!! :)

Susan Oloier said...

This is brilliant! Something I want my older son to read! I have no suggested changes. Your voice, description, and characterizations are amazing! Good luck.

Lorraine said...

Great start!

Amy said...

Great piece! It definitely has me hooked into wanting to read more! :)

Jehhillenberg (J Elayne Hill) said...

This sounded like a kid, haha, and that's a good thing because the voice was strong. Your wording like "frilly friend" and girly girls" sounds like a young boy so that was cute. From the title, I can tell a bunch of little events will take place and that can make for a fun story because it's light. I like this. I would like to read more.

Sarah said...

Very entertaining read. He seems like a Calvin-style trouble-maker and I love that. I agree that it would be great to get even more insight into the aftermath of the worm drop.

Good stuff. A lot of fun. :)

Laura Pauling said...

Thanks for sharing, Shannon. I love the title of your work. And naughty boys? What boy wouldn't want to read about one? Best of luck!

Valentina Hepburn said...

The title is great and your writing constructs the scene perfectly. A very good opening.

Liz @ Cleverly Inked said...

You so rock. That was fantastic. Just remember me when you are a famous writer and living large :)

Susan Kaye Quinn said...

Love the new open! Great voice and pulls us right in! :) Good luck!!

lissawrites said...

I remember this from Shelley's last bloghop, and I loved it! I don't tend to read middle grade, but I would love to read this. The little boy seems like such a rascal.

Miranda Hardy said...

I really enjoyed this. It's great. I can imagine the scene in my head.

Miranda Hardy said...

I really enjoyed this. It's great. I can imagine the scene in my head.

Theresa Milstein said...

Ha! He is a naughty boy! This is excellent.

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