The First Line Blogfest
Hosted by Brenda Drake
We're supposed to keep our entries posted for a few days, especially with the number of participants. So, for its encore performance, I present . . .
My first line:
I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, fourth branch up from the ground and only one branch over from my sister’s piñata.
First Parargraph:
Pink pony piñata . . . check.
Invisibility . . . check.
Cup of worms . . . check.
I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, fourth branch up from the ground and only one branch over from my sister’s piñata. The perfect place for a ninja ambush. I just needed those girly girls to come a little bit closer.
28 comments:
Yay! Love it, Shan!
Ha! The perfect place for a ninja ambush. You know something fun's going to happen next!
This is adorable! I love your MC already--yay for ninja ambushes!
Nice! I want to read more. :)
LOL! I LOVE it!
I like this a lot, but wondered if it could use some trimming:
I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, only one branch over from my sister’s piñata.
However, if being the fourth branch up from the ground is important to the plot, leave it.
Either way I'm curious to see what happens next ^_^
love love love it!!!!!!
So fun! Your book sounds like a riot. :)
I love this one! As an avid tree-climber, I was totally drawn in by your description and felt like I was in the tree!
Very neat idea for a blogfest! :)
Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse
Cute!
Thanks for sharing this. Like your first line! :)
Everything there to make a great beginning? Check! Very cute, Shannon!
This grabbed me. I SO want to know what he does to that pinata!
Love it! :)
I like it! I could totally picture it and the voice was so fun!
Love it! The whole paragraph is so fun!
Oh that sounds just like a little boy I know. His sister better watch out.
Love this. I knew it, you are one cool first line amigo. :)
Oh the paragraph is brilliant!!! I love this paragraph!! LOL!!! Yay!! Thank you for sharing!! Well done you! take care
x
That's a great start! I'd love to know what she's going to do to her sister's pinata.
Oh, Shannon... LOVE it! Is the manuscript done? I want to read more!!!
It's awesome, Shannon! Loved your strong start.
Perfect! Don't change a thing! :)
aw, how cute! I posted mine as well...I'm not good with ONE first strong sentence. It's normally just throwing you in the story and you have to keep reading. lol
-Lauren
I just came from there and entered. I see some really good ones. Lots of talented writers out there in Blogdom!
I have to say I absolutely LOVE IT!!!
Liking the voice in this! I agree with a previous post that if the fourth branch is an unnecessary detail, leave it out, as it disrupts the flow of the sentence.
My suggestion:
"I crouched in my favorite box elder tree, one branch above from my sister’s piñata, the perfect place for a ninja ambush."
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